Yesterday afternoon Miss Pierce was lounging on the sofa enjoying a cuddle with her favorite dogs and bingeing on "The Ghost Whisperer" when her phone started to blow up. A rapid fire succession of texts indicated it could only be one thing. Her best friends' 8 year old daughter. The darling girl can text at something near the speed of light, sound and the fury.
"Can you video chat? Can you? huh huh huh huh? *insert a million hearts* right now? I want you to meet my friend!"
Well, I can't say no to that. There isn't a whole lot of time between here and her forgetting I exist while she is off in college chasing down her future. So, we get on chat.
She and I have a long distance love affair. I buy her anything she wants and many things she never knew she wanted and in return she gives me 13 seconds of undivided attention per purchase. Yes, it's true. We are tightly bound by our mutual love of capitalism, fashion and child spoiling. If you have ever video chatted with an 8 year old than you might be familiar with the routine. Our routine is that she calls me and then it's my job to hold up both sides of the conversation.
Miss Pierce: "Hi Sweetie! How are you?! Is that your friend? It's so good to meet you. I've heard so many good things about you! Look at you two, such beautiful girls! Are you having fun today?"
They: giggle "Yes!" giggling they begin to lunge back and forth towards the camera so I can see up-close shots of nostrils, eyes and forehead.
Dogs start jumping around with the kitten looking for the source of children's voices.
Miss Pierce: "Oh my. I look like a homeless woman! That's what I get for lounging all day."
more giggling, more dog jumping.
They: "You DO look like a homeless woman!" peals of laughter ring out punctuated by more close up nostril shots.
Miss Pierce throws out a few more age appropriate questions like "How is school?" and "Are you both in the same class?" which they answer with a simple "yes" or "no". The conversation seems to be grinding to a uncomfortable halt. You get the gist. Suddenly,
They: "What size bra do you wear? It must be a triple F!"
Miss Pierce: O.o
The new friend that I've been introduced too throws an elbow into the ribs of my best friends' daughter and whispers quite harshly, "That's not nice!"
The darling recipient of many of my spot bonuses replies, "Oh it's okay. That's how we roll!"
Awkward silence while Miss Pierce tries to keep them from seeing her cracking up! That's how we roll?!?
Miss Pierce: "Okay girls, I have to run. Jennifer Love Hewitt is crying again and I just know that one day her false eyelashes are going to give out. I'm so glad you called. Have a fun play date and behave!"
They: giggle, giggle "Okay, goodbye!" giggle
While Jennifer Love Hewitt managed to hang onto yet another pair of false eyelashes, Miss Pierce looked at her own daughter, an Australian Shepard mix, and thanked God Almighty that she will never speak without first being offered a cookie.
Your ever lovin',
Miss Pierce