It's so funny I forgot to laugh.

I am obsessed with my blog.  I admit it.  I don't know if this is a normal reaction to becoming a blogger but I suspect it is based on the fact that there seem to be an unlimited number of sites about blogging.  I am trying to learn how to use all the tools and working hard to customize my blog when I have time.  Why is that?  Because despite the fact that my blog is in it's infancy and I can't seem to find the "minima" template that every other blogger in the world uses, I'm obsessed with the stats on the darn thing.  I love watching the number of page views tick up, up, up.  It's definitely addicting and I'm hooked. I'll pretty much say anything you want at this point to keep your attention.  No wonder why so many women work in the porn industry.  Honestly, if I got that much attention because of my body I would be naked all the time!  The poor selection of scripts would bother me but who knows?  Porn is so mainstream now maybe I would be able to use the proceeds from my ample bosom to pay Tina Fey to write for me.  I wonder if that would work.  Porn Comedy.

In any case, writing a blog is a challenge as much as it is cathartic.  Trying to think of something to write about every single day is not easy and every day I worry that I will come up empty handed.  Happily I'm finding that the act of waking up and letting the world come in with the morning sun provides plenty of material for me to rant about, some of it is even good. 

This morning it was the CBS This Morning show.  Someone came up with the bright idea of having the news anchors read funny snippets from The Onion.  Have you read The Onion?  If you haven't, you should.  It's a ridiculous, farcical publication that is always good for a chuckle, with one notable exception...when being read by the anchors on the CBS This Morning show.  Then, it becomes palpably dull.  

These people (or some that look just like them) are NOT funny. 

It's not their fault, really.  Comedy is something you can do or you can't do.  Everyone has different gifts and generally speaking, news anchors seem to be chosen precisely because they are the least offensive people on earth.  They are people with good hair, a consistently friendly demeanor and the ability to let you know very calmly that the earth is about to explode.  Comedians are an entirely different breed of person and I don't need to tell you that they tend to have personalities that are quirky or even polarizing.  Just like sex appeal, you know it when you see it.  Just like sex appeal, not everyone can handle it and no one can fake it.  I like it when they try to, though.  It was worth getting out of bed just to watch them read The Onion like standardized robots that didn't get the joke.  I liked it.

Apparently that moment of hubris was my downfall.  Right after typing the words "I liked it" and enjoying the plight of the comically impaired, I fell asleep mid-coffee, while typing.

Imagine this but without the headset and with worse hair.

I believe that is what we call karma.  A whole day wasted, well the sunny part of it at least.  To be fair, the dogs did set a fairly seductive scene what with all the snoring and farting that was happening on the couch.

Wanting to recoup whatever I could salvage when I woke up, I referred to my perfectly crafted "to do" list from last night and decided to call my good friend Angie.  We are the kind of friends that don't talk often but always pick up right where we left off, never skipping a beat.  If we lived in closer proximity I would probably see her every day but life isn't that simple.  Yes, I do put everything on my "to do" list, even the fun stuff.  Lame, isn't it?

I called Angie and it was so good to hear her voice!  We started catching up and the conversation quickly took a turn that I didn't expect.  We spent the majority of the call talking about...wait for it...

...our health! More specifically our health problems. 

Are you following me here?  I woke up, made a pot of decaffeinated coffee, fell asleep on the couch with my dogs until 3 pm and then called a friend and discussed medical procedures and the like.  That's right.  My sabbatical went from "rejuvenating time off" to "rest home" in T minus 20. 

Look, I'd like to tell you I know what the correct response is to this but I don't.  I'm going upstairs now to shower, put on too much eyeliner and a push-up bra so I can walk the dogs.  I'm on the fence about adding a flask to the ensemble.  I'm thinking something hot like, "youthful wild cat" 

"Rowr, baby, rowr!"

but I'm afraid it's too fine a line between wild cat and desperate old lady.  

At least I finally got my hair situation sorted!

See what I mean?  One minute a girl is a youthful hottie with her finger on the pulse of everything important and the next thing she knows....she's sleeping all day on the couch and talking about health issues with friends that she's known longer than Lindsay Lohan has been alive. 

On that note...

Your ever lovin',

Miss Pierce