Last night during an email exchange with someone dear to me I had the distinct feeling that we were talking at each other and not to each other. An issue I have repeatedly bumped up against in many of my relationships, both personal and professional. I started reflecting on one of my pet peeves...assumptions. Namely, how embarrassed I am when I make them.
Of course we all know the old saw, "Assumptions make an ass of u and me". Sorry Oscar, it's an old saw now. If I could go back in time to the moment that particular gem was making it's way across your lips I would throw my hand over your mouth, order another round and point out a hot Italian waiter while telling you emphatically to keep that thought to yourself. Seriously. I would.
Here's why. I never realize I am making an assumption until I've already made it. It typically is the flaw in my thinking, the flaw I don't discover until someone hits me smack in the face with it.
I googled "How to stop making assumptions" but everything that came up was about jealousy. Who cares about jealousy? I have that down pat. No problem.
I decided to try another approach and searched instead for "Critical Thinking" and I came across this gem of a website. For those of you that like to skim, I highlighted the parts I want you to read. Those of you that like to actually read...find the link above. Here's an excerpt.
There you have it in black and white. Everyone is subject to such-and-such tendencies towards self delusion. That makes me feel a whole lot better about the fact that I typically don't catch myself in the act of assuming but rather after the fact. Thanks to the National Council for Excellence in Critical Thinking (who knew?) I now have reason to hope that there is a way out of this continuous assumption loop I'm currently in.
To those of you whom I have sinned against in this way, I sincerely apologize for having made false assumptions that impacted you. I'm sure you know who you are and I, well, I frankly probably don't. As a completely self absorbed individual it's very hard for me to consider your perspective. It's not nearly as interesting to me as my own and frankly...wait are you saying they have doughnuts in marketing today? Go get me an old fashioned, no sprinkles please. I'm sorry, what were you saying? Oh, I was talking? Oh right. The apology. Yes, well, the point I'm trying to make is this...are those new shoes you are wearing? Fabulous. I think I hear my (boss, mother, child, boyfriend, the janitor) calling. I have to run. I think I'm needed in marketing. Real sorry to hear about your problems with making assumptions...I mean, yes, of course...my issues. Right.
Critical thinking. It's not for everyone. As much as it pains me to say this, I am not always right. To quote Joni Mitchell, I have a weak and a lazy mind. I am often quick to judge and usually I am certain I am right. To be perfectly honest, I notice most people are the same way. Right. There is a whole lot of "right-ness" going on up in here. From now on, I'm going to do a lot more to self-correct on this front. Meanwhile, if you catch me making assumptions, I hope you bust me right away. I assure you, it's a blind spot so if I'm mid-assumption, I have NO idea what I'm up to.
Enjoy your day today. You might want to consider while you are out there in the world that sometimes the courage of conviction you feel is deceptive. If you believe yourself strongly to be right and you have the data to back up your theory you may be, in point of fact, full of shit. Ask more questions before barking out your answer. I know I will. Let's open up our noggin's and let in some light. It's getting dusty in there.
Your ever lovin',
Miss Pierce
Of course we all know the old saw, "Assumptions make an ass of u and me". Sorry Oscar, it's an old saw now. If I could go back in time to the moment that particular gem was making it's way across your lips I would throw my hand over your mouth, order another round and point out a hot Italian waiter while telling you emphatically to keep that thought to yourself. Seriously. I would.
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| For the love of God, Oscar! Would it kill you to shut it once in awhile? |
Here's why. I never realize I am making an assumption until I've already made it. It typically is the flaw in my thinking, the flaw I don't discover until someone hits me smack in the face with it.
 |
| Take it easy! I'm still evolving! |
I googled "How to stop making assumptions" but everything that came up was about jealousy. Who cares about jealousy? I have that down pat. No problem.
 |
| My good friend and the greatly underrated, "Green Eyed Monster". |
I decided to try another approach and searched instead for "Critical Thinking" and I came across this gem of a website. For those of you that like to skim, I highlighted the parts I want you to read. Those of you that like to actually read...find the link above. Here's an excerpt.
Critical Thinking as Defined by the National Council for Excellence in Critical Thinking, 1987 A statement by Michael Scriven & Richard Paul for the {presented at the 8th Annual International Conference on Critical Thinking and Education Reform, Summer 1987}. Critical thinking is the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action. In its exemplary form, it is based on universal intellectual values that transcend subject matter divisions: clarity, accuracy, precision, consistency, relevance, sound evidence, good reasons, depth, breadth, and fairness. | ||
It entails the examination of those structures or elements of thought implicit in all reasoning: purpose, problem, or question-at-issue; assumptions; concepts; empirical grounding; reasoning leading to conclusions; implications and consequences; objections from alternative viewpoints; and frame of reference. Critical thinking — in being responsive to variable subject matter, issues, and purposes — is incorporated in a family of interwoven modes of thinking, among them: scientific thinking, mathematical thinking, historical thinking, anthropological thinking, economic thinking, moral thinking, and philosophical thinking. Critical thinking can be seen as having two components: 1) a set of information and belief generating and processing skills, and 2) the habit, based on intellectual commitment, of using those skills to guide behavior. It is thus to be contrasted with: 1) the mere acquisition and retention of information alone, because it involves a particular way in which information is sought and treated; 2) the mere possession of a set of skills, because it involves the continual use of them; and 3) the mere use of those skills ("as an exercise") without acceptance of their results. Critical thinking varies according to the motivation underlying it. When grounded in selfish motives, it is often manifested in the skillful manipulation of ideas in service of one’s own, or one's groups’, vested interest. As such it is typically intellectually flawed, however pragmatically successful it might be. When grounded in fairmindedness and intellectual integrity, it is typically of a higher order intellectually, though subject to the charge of "idealism" by those habituated to its selfish use. Critical thinking of any kind is never universal in any individual; everyone is subject to episodes of undisciplined or irrational thought. Its quality is therefore typically a matter of degree and dependent on, among other things, the quality and depth of experience in a given domain of thinking or with respect to a particular class of questions. No one is a critical thinker through-and-through, but only to such-and-such a degree, with such-and-such insights and blind spots, subject to such-and-such tendencies towards self-delusion. For this reason, the development of critical thinking skills and dispositions is a life-long endeavor. | ||
There you have it in black and white. Everyone is subject to such-and-such tendencies towards self delusion. That makes me feel a whole lot better about the fact that I typically don't catch myself in the act of assuming but rather after the fact. Thanks to the National Council for Excellence in Critical Thinking (who knew?) I now have reason to hope that there is a way out of this continuous assumption loop I'm currently in.
 |
| You might want to get another opinion, there, Muscles Foxworthy. ;-) |
Critical thinking. It's not for everyone. As much as it pains me to say this, I am not always right. To quote Joni Mitchell, I have a weak and a lazy mind. I am often quick to judge and usually I am certain I am right. To be perfectly honest, I notice most people are the same way. Right. There is a whole lot of "right-ness" going on up in here. From now on, I'm going to do a lot more to self-correct on this front. Meanwhile, if you catch me making assumptions, I hope you bust me right away. I assure you, it's a blind spot so if I'm mid-assumption, I have NO idea what I'm up to.
 |
| There is no need for subtlety. I won't get it. A direct hit is the best way to get my attention. |
Enjoy your day today. You might want to consider while you are out there in the world that sometimes the courage of conviction you feel is deceptive. If you believe yourself strongly to be right and you have the data to back up your theory you may be, in point of fact, full of shit. Ask more questions before barking out your answer. I know I will. Let's open up our noggin's and let in some light. It's getting dusty in there.
Your ever lovin',
Miss Pierce