There is no question about the fact that in order to get a laugh I often embellish the facts. Embellish, yes. Fabricate? No.
There is something you should know about me, wives of co-workers. I offer something to your spouses that you probably can't compete with. No, it's not a flat stomach. It's not a head for business or a natural born ability to flirt. Oh no. It's so much worse than that. Clutch your pocketbooks.
I am unnervingly sexy.
I'm sorry. I can't help but be who I am. I was made this way. Even though I can't change, I think I can illustrate. The fact is that I had my suspicions about this for years but because I am also exceedingly humble and kind I didn't know for sure for a long time. I operate in an innocent sort of oblivion, like most romantic heroines.
I'm sort of the Snow White of Corporate America.
Honestly, I'm almost a national treasure. I expect to be invited to the White House any day to participate in decorating round robins and peace talks in between giving dance lessons (tastefully paired with Ambien and wine) to the House Republicans.
Because I tend towards innocence and peaceful oblivion about the impact that I have at the workplace I didn't honestly realize the damage I was doing until last year. Ladies, it is with a guilt ridden heart that I confess this to you now.
Picture this. Me, at my cubicle fully engaged in paper pushing and typing on my computer. That alone is enough to bring many men to a halt. They are visual creatures, after all! I was mid-thought when I reached into my purse for my Carmex lip balm and began applying it with the same ferocity and need that I always do.
When I noticed, only because he was standing right in front of me, directly behind my monitor that my co-worker....let's call him "Joe" was doing a sexy dance inspired by this man...
Do you understand now ladies, why it is that I am naturally dangerous for your marriage? If you don't, then please watch this instructional video that "Joe" sent to me immediately following his inspired performance.
I thought you should know what's going on behind your backs while your husbands are at work. I feel so much better now that that is off of my chest. I'd love to stay and talk but I have to run. There is a sale on comfort shoes at Macy's today and I want to get there before the heavy-set nurses grab all the good pairs.
Your ever lovin',
Miss Pierce
 |
| "You don't mind if I catch my reflection in your shiny belt buckle to touch up my lipstick, do you, Hon?" |
There is something you should know about me, wives of co-workers. I offer something to your spouses that you probably can't compete with. No, it's not a flat stomach. It's not a head for business or a natural born ability to flirt. Oh no. It's so much worse than that. Clutch your pocketbooks.
I am unnervingly sexy.
I'm sorry. I can't help but be who I am. I was made this way. Even though I can't change, I think I can illustrate. The fact is that I had my suspicions about this for years but because I am also exceedingly humble and kind I didn't know for sure for a long time. I operate in an innocent sort of oblivion, like most romantic heroines.
I'm sort of the Snow White of Corporate America.
 |
| An actual photograph of me at work. |
Honestly, I'm almost a national treasure. I expect to be invited to the White House any day to participate in decorating round robins and peace talks in between giving dance lessons (tastefully paired with Ambien and wine) to the House Republicans.
Because I tend towards innocence and peaceful oblivion about the impact that I have at the workplace I didn't honestly realize the damage I was doing until last year. Ladies, it is with a guilt ridden heart that I confess this to you now.
Picture this. Me, at my cubicle fully engaged in paper pushing and typing on my computer. That alone is enough to bring many men to a halt. They are visual creatures, after all! I was mid-thought when I reached into my purse for my Carmex lip balm and began applying it with the same ferocity and need that I always do.
 |
| My happiness. |
When I noticed, only because he was standing right in front of me, directly behind my monitor that my co-worker....let's call him "Joe" was doing a sexy dance inspired by this man...
 |
| "Pardon me. I seem to be lost. I was looking for Karl Lagerfield's booth at Fashion Week? I'm so lost." |
Do you understand now ladies, why it is that I am naturally dangerous for your marriage? If you don't, then please watch this instructional video that "Joe" sent to me immediately following his inspired performance.
I thought you should know what's going on behind your backs while your husbands are at work. I feel so much better now that that is off of my chest. I'd love to stay and talk but I have to run. There is a sale on comfort shoes at Macy's today and I want to get there before the heavy-set nurses grab all the good pairs.
Your ever lovin',
Miss Pierce